A Wall Or A Bridge … The Mutual Exclusivity Of Denial Within Dualism


“Do what makes you happy. Be with who makes you smile. Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

Author: Unknown

I love the above quote … If only I knew how to follow the wisdom of my own words and thoughts as well as the wisdom of such a beautiful quote.

I realized recently that even though most, if not all of what I talk about is bringing love and joy into life, a lot of what I have created so often for myself and those I love most has been misery and pain.  I’ve carried horrible guilt over this for a very long time.  I wonder if I can blame it on the dualistic nature of the reality we all have been living in.  Easy cop out, “not my fault it’s dualism”.  “Polarity of reality is to blame”.  I’m just a sweet victim in it all.  This has not seemed to solve much looking back, and so I doubt it will help now.

To clarify, dualism is the belief that two things are irreconcilably separate.  Easy examples are “Good vs. Evil”, “Love vs. Fear”, “Light vs. Dark”, “Spirit Vs. Matter”, etc.

I’ve been accused of being too lovely dovey about it all and am told, the world just isn’t that way … “you have to find a way to make it in the world” is what my partner or ex or not sure anymore has said to me.  I think it’s true, but can’t help but think that unified in love is the only way to really make it.  Maybe this has been my problem all along.  She is right after all.  You do have to find a way to make it so to speak.

The “love and light” philosophies of New Age movements get plenty of criticism for being ignorant of the darker side of reality.  I’ve heard people say that such movements are steeped in denial and wishful thinking.  I’ve also heard it turns its adherents into weak doormats.  As I sit in reflection I see there is quite some truth in this and I’ve actually been quite ignorant of it.  Until moving to Vilcabamba of course.  This little nook has brought in buckets full of gringos who speak love and do the opposite.  I’ve still been “THE VICTIM” in that seemingly all that I do isn’t reciprocated in the same light heart.  This is the fine teaching from the gringo community I’ve been living in.  To be fair and not a complete projector, there are some lovely souls in the mix as well.

I let my cup be full on this matter for some time.  I was MIND Full instead of being mindful to what was being relayed to me.  I find this all very embarrassing.  However, the silver lining is that we don’t have to let go of the truth of positive thinking.  Like does in fact draw in like.  Creativity creates, Love brings more love, Wisdom brings wisdom and it works in the counter manner as well.  Hate breeds hate, anger inspires anger and if your are in fear, well your going to be in bed with fear.

I’ve learned today by listening to the not so sure about lady in my life with new ears.  Again she said, “you have to find a way to make it in the world.”  My mind being the rubiks cube it is ciphered it into:

How you observe and experience something depends on the theory which you use.  It is the theory utilized which determines.

I realize now that speaking wisdom has very little with embodying the wisdom story.

I make this note to self:  There is unity in the essence of duality, and duality in the expression of unity.

Very often in my life I have found myself convinced of my sad story.  I’m the victim damn it!  My most recent love relationship has been the absolute showcase for this.  We both seem to feel that the other doesn’t treat the other all that well.  In our minds we have built up damning evidence against the other.  What this actually leads to is pain, pain and more pain on top of the pain that was already fabricated in our minds.


The fatal mistake in reasoning I have made that brought so much pain to the love relationships I’ve been in, and to those I love so dearly is this.  I believed that dark influences could be kept out of one’s reality by denying their existence, or better said by focusing your energy and attention elsewhere.  I still believe there is great truth in this, but believing in Love so strongly created an ignorance and denial within me of aspects of reality that have their own independent existence.  Instead of leading these elements of dualism out of my sphere it instead gave more room for them to maneuver in ways I refused to perceive.

The darkness within, our shadow side, has its own agenda and desires that will continue to operate no matter how much we pretend they are not there.  The denial just allows such manipulations of our thoughts and behavior without us knowing it.

In the same thread, darkness outside of us, the deluge of predatory forces in human and nonhuman forms as well as the consequences of poor choices made over the years, will inevitably shower us with a rude awakening from our denial.

The lesson to myself is that when wishful thinking and denial is chosen over awareness and responsibility, things do catch up with you sooner or later.  I know this because I have $60 to my name, a broken relationship and smile on my face at the same time.  If this isn’t a shining example of what wishful thinking coupled with denial breads then I know nothing.  Which I don’t.

The truth or my truth recently bestowed is that the problem wasn’t the positive attitude.  The problem was that I wasn’t balanced in my awareness.  I thought knowing the darkness kept it at bay.

My theory is that only through comprehensive full spectrum awareness coupled with a balanced attitude of positivity can the balance shift towards the heart of the soul.  Only then can the “YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY” truth be in full harmony.

Becoming aware of our emotional issues like egotism, victim-hood, vengefulness, self-importance, or any other ego driven insecurities instead of denying and suppressing them allows the circuit to complete.  On the contrary, denial allows them to fester and build in pressure until they explode and cause you to react emotionally, and inevitibaly irrationally.  Denial also allows them to secretly form the foundation of your belief system.  Become aware of these issues and then you can deal and heal them.

Getting severely burned by wishful positive thinking or seeing the ignorance and hypocrisy in places like Vilcabamba can make us run from the Lovey Dovey.  When positive thinking and shining your light doesn’t work to bring joy to your experience, it is easy to get wickedly bitter and throw the baby out with the bathwater.  The next thing we do is reject joyful loving thoughts as a form of weakness and denial.

There is a beautiful story telling of Jesus and several others walking past a dead dog. The others all turned away from seeing the decaying dog, but Jesus spoke admiringly of the animal’s beautiful teeth. By maintaining the soul-attitude that this legend exemplifies we see truth.  The bad, the ugly and plain wrong must not prevent the soul from finding further truth in the good, and the beautiful wherever they are present. We must not confuse positivity with being artificially uncritical or as an arbitrary closing of our eyes.  It is possible to admire a dead animal’s “beautiful teeth” and still see the decaying corpse.  We can reach the point where the bad does not prevent us from seeing the good and our errors don’t prevent us from seeking truth and love.

What is really being longed for is to be understood.  To be known in this world for what you truly are. I believe that every action we take is either an expression of love or a cry for love.  We all long for love and acceptance.

Today I learned again that we are to accept the darkness for what it is, an aspect of ourselves.  Again I learned putting your head in the sand doesn’t make it go away no matter how much we wish it to.  A leopard doesn’t change its spots because you wish it would be nicer.







About icrmbwnh

Random dude in a random world. xx's and oo's
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6 Responses to A Wall Or A Bridge … The Mutual Exclusivity Of Denial Within Dualism

  1. corina says:

    Love wat u writing, expressing, sharing, being one with ur self and experiencing life with its trials/tribulations/.etc…wat….a path…of negative outcome turned into positive reaction..sweet..take care..n…live..2..the..fullest..lovenaloha..Corina;

  2. Carmela says:

    It’s a pivotal moment when you can see that it is okay to embrace the “dark passenger.” Not necessarily acting but acknowledgment. No sense in pretending all is rosey in the desert.

    Sidebar: keep the blog, it’s a perfect outlet for you. It’s different than your once adored journaling, I dig it. <3!

    • icrmbwnh says:

      I miss those with your heart. Funny, I’ve surrounded myself with those harboring anger and misery. Says more about me than them or something like that??? The collateral damage of loving and being with those who dish pain upon me is wild. Especially when there is no mutuality of compassion. They always say it’s you and every one else’s fault and refuse responsibility of any kind. Creates a weird frustration where I can feel my consciousness drop into my “dark passenger” really want to meet them at that base level. Sometimes it slips … Doesn’t it make you want to scream “WAKE UP!” Or is it only me that finds this wicked and cruel? Blaming everyone else for your anger??? Just Weird. OMG.. I’m doing it right now… LOL But, lots of clearing from the emotional bodies I believe. I hope somehow what I’m doing is in service to everyone and All That Is. We’ll all have to face the Keeper with how we affected the space and those around us eventually. (first heard Unity called the Keeper from Jade … she has some weird ownership paranoia…still thinks what is in her mind belongs to her… so I must give her credit or face the demon… thank you Jade for calling it that… I liked it and also call it that sometimes. Forgive the theft as you call it) I’m such a whinny bitch I know. I hope so much that I understand why I leave situations with people shinning light back to situations where its fear, anger and pain. (pain addiction?) May it be in service and may all the beings in all the worlds be happy. I liked my journal… LOL… Longest comment ever… should just put this as a blog entry as well. xoxo …

      • Carmela says:

        Thoughts have no ownership, they have always been, what you think is yours has already been. All right… with the help of a thesaurus, you can feel as if it’s a new work of genius! 🙂 I love discovering what I believe is my own thoughts in antique writings… Let’s me know I’m on to something ingrained
        all of us.
        As for leaving the loving to pursue darkened souls… Try and not reflect back with such rose colored glasses. Be kind to the person whom made those choices, he was younger, less in tuned, less versed. Of course you see things differently now, you’ve grown as a being.
        And I LOVED your journal!

      • icrmbwnh says:

        well said … I like the depths of all that. what else can I say.

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