Balance on the jaded edge


There is always balance in the world.  Perceived or not.  Somewhere, behind the periphery of our 5 senses, resting still is balance.  In terms of scales of measurement, finding balance is relatively straight forward.  But, case by case analysis is appropriate for each manifest concept being observed.

In the case of consciousness I submit it works something like this:

Those choosing to be conscious and aware are extraordinarily so.  Those choosing to sleep … Well, they are hella sleepy.  Probably watching CNN or MSNBC or some other shit.

On a side, If anyone actually reads these blogs.  Notice I have dropped 2 hella’s, and now 3 in the last 2 posts.  Hella skill.

The Hella South Park episode has been on my mind a hella lot for some reason.  I’m very impressionable.

Anyway, I mean no hierarchy or judgment in conscious v. unconsciousness.  Same shit, different state.

I actually don’t care on that level.  I believe we are all in service and equally acting a fool in one way or another.

Still, I don’t believe the art of shallow observations upon another, and judgmental mind upon one another is to be our pinnacle achievement as Mankind.


One of the best teachers I’ve had in recent memory is a “homeless” fella.  I always thought of him as Hawaiian.  But Hawaii is a pretty international collective of Islands.

Anyway, he had a wider definition of home.  He knew who he was.  This life was a bag of bones for him.  It was a very interesting relationship as he spent the day sitting on a church bench in front of my post as a security guard.  The church was a historical monument as well as an active place of worship.

I remember thinking of how much potential the man had and how much depth he possessed.  This was my observation.  I try to relay this without any charge or any judgment.  For me, he was in true service to the realm.  Plus, who the hell was I,  sitting there with a Doctorate degree?  Sitting there because I had to for bottom dweller wages.  He was sitting their because he wanted to.

He was a true experiential and one of the smartest men I’ve ever met.  I reckon he wasn’t here for the same reasons as the CEO’s of the companies taking care of us with their Molotov cocktail of mind, health and spirit depraving foods and gadgetry.

Yet, he wasn’t signing paychecks either.  He didn’t have fancy cars and pretty stones upon his finger that others slaved and died to provide.  He wasn’t one who was making it in this realm so to speak.

What he did have was a smile on his face, but lacked interest in winning the rat race.  See the thing about the rat race is this:

Even if you win, you’re still a rat.  He knew this well.  Still, was it balance?  He was sleeping on a park bench.


So I wonder to myself, and anyone who actually reads this:  How do we get back to a more harmonious balance?

I’m inclined to believe that first and for most we must look within ourselves.  If what other people are thinking about you matters to you, then you really do have a problem.  It will never be alright out there.

This is easy for me to say at the moment.  Looking back in the rear view I had an event occur no less than 3 hours ago where what someone was saying and feeling about me was really mattering.

Walking up to their place I accidentally broke 3 of their eggs which was in the grocery bag of theirs I was carrying for them.  It was an accident and I felt really bad.  I’m often nervous around this person because I really wish they would like me but most often my experience is that I’m failing to bring joy to them and am to them pretty pathetic.

Tonight I sat trying so hard to express how sorry I was for breaking the eggs and for not reacting the way they wanted me to when they were upset about it.  In the end I was pathetic in their eyes.  For me I have never been so hurt by someone else to the extent that this person has the ability to.

I guess loving someone can be dangerous.  If the truth is that they have hate for you, and have preference to look over any attempt you make, but enjoy rather unconsciously seeing you as pathetic and telling you so … well I suppose the first step in the right direction is to forgive yourself.  This person is a mirror for you.  An aspect of your multidimensional self you allow to destroy you and energetically feed on you.

Funny enough archons were mentioned to me recently and then saw someone in service to them.  Never break their eggs.


Anyway, this is the nature of energy exchange gone wrong.  I’m running  a bit of a victim story here, but am also attempting to explain my understanding about a nature of reality.  It is true as all things are without you believing it so.  Male female relationships are classic for energy exchange going wrong.

While I’m thinking of it.  For anyone who has hate for me or thinks I’m pathetic for whatever reason:

I’m truly sorry I’ve been such a disappointing aspect of your experience.  I open my heart to you and express this and I ask from my soul to please be forgiven.  I love you and promise I am trying my best to grow and be a good person.  I try my best and can only say that sometimes I find life overwhelming.  I don’t know any answers but truly offer myself in this life trying to be the most loving experience I can.

Thank you for that mid blog tangent … Where was I?  Oh yea

If you want to know anything about the nature of reality then you must become intimate with self.

demotivation.us_Look-at-them-They-can-love-truth_130013123169That cat on the right is a Boss!  Love It!

I believe thoughts and emotions form the fabric of what we experience.  i.e., what you believe is, and is real in your experience.

My personal challenge has been having this knowledge but not the full download on how to utilize it and keep my astral/emotional body in balance.

Muddling through the massive programming, poisoning, dumbing down etc. that I / we have been subjected to.  Not to mention the wound this leaves on ones heart and soul to realize this wicked rather evil shit we’ve come to bear or the violence we experience day to day that we inflict on each other as an expression.

But shit, let’s make an effort.  I can imagine that a certain percentage of the population is just too broken to be expected to be a catalyst of love and awakening.  They may truly understand Self even, but still not be able to be in action in such a way as Unconditional Love.  So it is with balance.  But the fact is that you will become what you choose on these matters.

I read this the other day: “One step in the right direction is worth 100 years of thinking about it.”  I reckon one step in the right direction is worth any number of years thinking about it.

Tonight I hope I took steps in the right direction.  Walking away from a mirror that hates me.  Why should I continue to provoke this person if I know I disgust them?  Also, why would I subject myself to it?  Such a tangent but I think the only reason this person may have allowed me in their space was that it felt nice to be loved.  It makes us feel less alone in the world.  But hate I think does the opposite.

As far as taking steps toward being a morally awake, compassionate sentient Being; just picking up your foot is priceless.  With each step you become increasingly able to value things in a different light.

Money, possessions, status all start incarnating as less important ideas.  One of the biggest misconceptions used by those in fear is not having this understanding in balance.  You don’t need to become an ascetic and cast all things away.

You DO need to put them in perspective and see that while they have instrumental value, they do not have ultimate value.


What is most essentially Self is precisely that which we all have in common.

You are seeking God with His eyes.


Ourselves.  Self.  In order for Love thy neighbor as thy Self not to be extreme violence, we must strive to love Thyself.

Finding balance depends on the surface/foundation upon which you stand.  With this in mind it would seem wise to find the sturdiest foundation for which to balance.  Love.  If I ever where one to give advice I would say find 1 thing to love in your day.  It will make balancing easier even if for just a moment.

In love,



About icrmbwnh

Random dude in a random world. xx's and oo's
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