Letting Go of Hate, Anger, and an Abusive Relationship

angeldemon2disclaimer, wounded heart speaking … A little bit of a vent blog


I like to believe I’ve been fighting the good fight.  After reading my last blog post, coupled with an experience last evening  with a woman I once believed was my twin flame, I see I was half right.  I have been fighting alright.  Fighting to be loved by that which does not love.  There really was opportunity for something special for us I believe.  It just needed equal parts unconditional love to ego love.  Heck any mutuality of love would have birthed the most wonderful dream of a life together from where my vantage point derives.

She was my first love after my personal Awakening finally culminated in a massive kundalini rising blowing my crown chakra through the roof many years ago while meditating in intents of peace and love to mankind, the world and all of Creation.

My mission from that moment on was to help heal and awaken the world through expanding my heart and consciousness in service to all of Creation.

When I met her after leaving the states I had washed up in Peru, dingy and busted after an attempt to ground myself in Amsterdam.  My soul was dreadfully exhausted and the unrelenting World was nipping at me heels and squealing merrily as she chased.  This woman was beautiful and saved me in ways I may never fully comprehend.  All she did was offer me love when no one and nothing in the World was.  She mended a broken heart.

The new co-creation or NOW reality is that I have never been so savagely attacked and wounded by someone in all my life.  As if my heart was mended only so a bloodier slaughter and ravenous feeding could occur.

O.K.  Poor me a little  bit too far maybe…

I write these things in the true authentic unfolding of the experience to share a moment of pain and loss in my world and my efforts to let it be, let it go and be present in the only moment that is real… NOW.

So, I straddle duality and gaze upon the tiny slit between worlds.  I can see the world where this woman reciprocates my love and then realize … that is not the timeline NOW.  Emphatically I know the pain she is in must be gruesome and horrible for her to become so vile and wicked.  Believe it or not this woman once said she loved me.  While I may be able to count the times I’ve heard the utterance I love you from her on one hand, there was a NOW moment she said the words.

All moments posses infinite potential, and at the same time, it is what it is.  Whatever beauty occurred in the past with this lady and I no longer exists NOW.  Whoever she was seems to be a presence of hate, anger and conflict NOW, and in hindsight with the blur out my eyes, it was always so.

Of course the abusive words and actions directed at me hit my tuning fork and inspire entropic energetic embodiment and inspiration to be an equally miserable embodiment.


But I will not go silently in to the night!!  Now I know what the cat on my last post was on about!!  I may trip for a moment and embody the wobble, but only a fool (which I am) would be ignorant of being emotionally abused.  And, In the end this says just as much if not more about me as it does about the person who choices to project hate upon us.

The thing is, this woman has no right or power to take away my love for her and All That Is.  The authenticity of who you are belongs to you.  If you love something than love it regardless.  The decision of what you love to volley back hate and wickedness in return is their choice.  The best we can we must seek to find equanimity and peace in ‘as it is’.

So, boo hoo I loved someone and was in relationship with them on and off for 5 years.  Boo hoo, they don’t like me, hate me and wish I would die, etc. etc. etc.  What does their chosen embodiment have to do with me?

What a gift to love someone!!!  What a gift to share experience with someone intimately for even just a breath.

So here’s to the NOW moment and honoring how people treat you NOW, what is happening NOW, and where you are NOW.  In the NOW moment we have the ability to choose to be happy.  The Universe has a cozy way of getting us where we need to be if we trust.


There is always pain in the World.  But, suffering is a choice.  Any pain, anger, and upset I have over any story in my life belongs to me and I’m owning that.

So, here is to tapping into the free energy of your consciousness.  It expands infinitely with just the right twist of Heart Juice.

And, In good fun to the jaded past … Here is my suggestion to the one I have loved.

frabz-maybe-you-should-eat-your-makeup-so-you-can-try-being-pretty-on--e77ad5A bit of projection for something I’m responsible for … my own state of mind over events in the past.  But what a heartless bitch she was, is and seems destined to be in my little story.

Enjoy your energy.  Sometimes it is up, sometimes it is down.  Learn to enjoy both.

Sending love to All.


About icrmbwnh

Random dude in a random world. xx's and oo's
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6 Responses to Letting Go of Hate, Anger, and an Abusive Relationship

  1. EY says:

    Hey Brother, well right NOW in lands far far away….a brother reads your story and wishes we could hang out to help you. I’m sad far you, I know how painful and difficult relationships can be, but I have to be honest….I’m impressed with your perspective. Me, I prefer to lob Moltov Cocktails and hire unsavory individuals to exact revenge……I hear Will the Kill is free if you’re interested.

    Hang in their buddy. EY misses and loves ya. 8 is always great! Peace.

    • icrmbwnh says:

      EY!! Thanks so much for the kind words, it really means a lot to me. I miss you man. How wonderful it would be to hang… Wish the One Love formula would come to fruition. This world is bat shit crazy!
      I love you man, Love to Ang and the Children…


  2. what a lot of crap!
    you should have a look at what you did in relationship to turn this ‘great love’ into a person who cant stand the sight of you, and knows what a fraud you are… just like the other women in your life

    • icrmbwnh says:


      I love you. Maybe you are right about it all. I do and have looked deeply into the communion that was our relationship. I’m sorry for all the pain and anger then and which still exists in the co-creation. I’m not even sharing the depths of wickedness that came through Jade. You have explained so much why you hate me and told me you hope I die numerous times, physically attacked me numerous times, steal my passport, prescription glasses and etc. You email emotionally abusive emails in response to compassion filled ones and write F*** You in response to I love you. Why are you still fighting? and with who?

      I wish you the best in life and love Jade. I’ve been offering peace to you and apologize if my blog hurts and offends you. For me it is truth and I express it as that only. It is not THE truth, but the truth of what my experience has been and the truth is no one has treated me as poorly as you or wronged me like you. It’s not right or wrong. It was my personal experience. To you I’m pathetic and deserve it. Neither is right in the end, both are. blah blah… Let’s take it to the Keeper. I have no anger and wish there was a way to peace between us and for all. Love and the Best to you Jade.

  3. It’s a very nice image you use to open this blog Scott – it really does show who you are – both sides evil. I can hardly even read your sick rants here, you’re so desperately trying to come off peace-loving and wise and moderate when what you really are is a selfish, cruel loser who feeds off other people and responsibility for anything or any one – and then tries to teach about love! You’re a fake, Scott, and a deadbeat dad, and a loser. The person who treats you worse than me (other than your father, your last girlfriends, your siblings and your son – none of whom even speak to you) is you.

    • icrmbwnh says:


      I love you. You don’t need to read these blogs. I thought you wishing me again to die miserably and expressing how you are here to destroy me was your way of saying goodbye. I am peace loving, wisdom is and your perspective is truly yours. Again, I pray forgiveness for my part of what ever co-creation has yielded you to believe I’m responsible for your current embodiment and state of being. I truly believe it is your choice to behave and feel the way you are and offer peace forgiveness and love. I may not understand your choice but I understand you are choosing. I’m doing the best I can with who, what and where I’m at. For me, It’s time that it be ok that it is not, was not, and never will be good enough in your eyes. We are of different worlds. I pray you find love and joy forever and always.


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